1 year...

(zie de Nederlandse versie onder de engelse)

Dear friend,

May this message reach you in happy & fortunate circumstances.

More than a year ago I traveled to Myanmar with the intention to blog every now and then about my life as a Buddhist nun. Soon I found out meditation and writing do not really go together for me. In addition the bad internet connection does not help either.

Today it's exactly a year ago that I ordained as a nun (sayalay) to celebrate this a bit I'm writing this message also because I promised to do so. Redeeming this promise it could be one of the few messages I will leave here for now.

Realising I want, I may and I can live this life gives much gratitude and confidence, every day. It makes me happy to meditate and living a nun's life in Myanmar. The Burmese culture support of this monastic life.
This doesn't mean life is easier here. On the contrary maybe, as every day I get to face myself again and again; my ingrained habits, the repetitive thoughts, deep rooted beliefs, desires, aversions, fears and sometimes my own ignorance. In daily life in the Netherlands these characteristics were there too only much more subtle and often unseen. Within a calm and silent mind you can start to look straight at these characteristics, being aware of them and above all to let them pass without reaction. It seems so simple... I can guarantee you, its not. It took sometime to calm my mind, as being busy and restless were my middle name.

The question I'm asking is: what truth lies behind these habits, thoughts and feelings? And how can we support eachother to find this truth? It's a challenge, especially if you have learned yourself to close your eyes for many things (like fear and uncertainty), to ignore it or even turn your back against it, telling yourself it's not there.

Here in the monastery being surrounded by people who are walking in the same direction, with conditions to live life more pure and with respect to live, there is confidence this question can be answered. Meaning truth can be experienced totally instead of thinking what it could be. The analyzing part is still something I like to do but with more mindfulness and which enhances awareness to stay in the present. For me life has more content here which makes it more easy to face difficult moments. As there is also a body what needs care & needs attention. Certainly after the changes my body have undergone in order to remove breastcancer end 2014. Mainly the Burmese food (which is very oily) has influenced my health afterwards. Eventually I decided to cook for myself which is made possible by the wonderful support of family & dear friends. Although I have experienced meditation and cooking do not match well. At least not at the point I'm at the moment in meditation, which requires a quiet mind in order to build up concentration and mindfulness. At the moment I'm trying to cook less and take the food from the monastery kitchen. There are nuns who donate brown rice to the monastery which makes me happy, are the vegetables less oily and are there often fruits).

In August 2015 I came to Pa Auk monastery near Maymyo (also called Pyin Oo Lwin for the ones who like to look it up on Google maps). Its an international Theravada monastery currently with approximately 120 monks and 100 nuns from different countries. We live in single stone small houses (kuti in Pali), which are quite luxurious. The one I'mresiding in has a (warm) shower, small kitchen area and a balcony overlooking the lush greens. Most of the time I'm spending meditating in the house, only going out for breakfast and lunch and to see on alternate days my teacher for interview.
The abbott Pa Auk Sayadawgyi (recently turned 82!) is my teacher. He bases his teachings on the Visuddhimagga, a book in which the teachings of the Buddha are brought together in such a way that one can follow a clear path to awakening by practicing meditation in certain ways. My initial plan was to spend 6 months in a bamboo hut in the forest near Dawei (in the Southeast of Myanmar) together with 2 nuns and 2 monks. It is very basic there; no electricity, no running water (well only in the nearby stream). And no connection to the internet :-) A challenge and chance to deepen my practice. And a wish coming true.

Due to circumstances I decided to stay in Maymyo for the rainy season and leave here end of October. I first will visit Sakhangyi monastery (place where I ordained). To travel afterwards to Dawei and continue meditation there until at least January 2017. Although this might change too as everything is variable.

As mentioned before this might be one of the few messages I will leave here. If you want to get in contact with me directly you can send an email to: sayalay daya at gmail com. A reply may take a while as I intend to be in silence for longer periods.

May you be happy, healthy and fortunate.

With boundless metta (loving kindness),
Dayā (formerly Caroline)